A Haunting Thought

I can't help but to wonder if there is a lesson in this. I am sure there is. The more I ask myself what can be learned the more I think it is just simply listening. Not just listening, but listening in a way where you actually are hearing what is being said.

There are so many variables for why I didn't hear her. People exaggerate everything these days, so deep words don't carry the weight they once did. For instance, "today has been torture. " Torture is far from an accurate description of my day. Has it been pleasant, no, but torture is a word that once held depth.

Another aspect that is a new phenomenon in our daily communication is we dont actually hear people. In a world where we live and breathe 30 second videos we have stopped listening to hear the other person speak and instead listen with intention to respond. I can't help but feel these are the greatest reasons for why her words were dismissed so easily.

She was the very first friendly face I saw when we first moved to the springs. She not only was friendly she was everything that is good and right in this world embodied in one very sweet woman. She worked at ace hardware and we loved the idea of the small town charm she brought to our encounter there. Soon we looked for excuses to go, just to see her.

She would empower you, encourage you, comfort you, and she always was ready to lend a sympathetic listening ear. She played with the children and even bought them toys because they were so good on that visit. She was the light this world so desperately needs.

I know you're asking what could possibly haunt me when she is clearly the most amazing human. It is not her necessarily as it is so much the memory of the last time I saw her. She was her usual incredible self. Her eyes had darker circles and it was pretty obvious she was under the weather. She had informed me she was back to work after recovering from covid and pneumonia. Then she said something that haunts me and probably will haunt me forever. "Liz, I can't afford to miss anymore work so I am here, but I am dying" to which I responded, "oh I am sure everything will be okay, and this to shall pass." She shook her head with tears in her eyes and just gave me huge hug.

I knew something was off, but I made the mistake of assuming she was misusing the adjective of dying. An exaggeration that so many of us are guilty of. I didn't listen to hear her words. I went back a few months later to find another sweet woman wearing her badge title. I asked the new woman if the lady I knew was in that day. The new ladies face fell and tears rushed to her eyes as she sadly informed me that the woman who told me she was dying had in fact passed away.

With that being said, I have this interaction on repeat in my mind. It has actually been on a loop the last couple months. How could I have been so thoughtless? So careless. She was my friend. I am left with so much regret of things I wish I could of said to her. I wonder if I could have helped her in some way. Most of all, I hope she just knows how much I love her and miss her.

I now have become more intentional with my language. I now try to listen to the words being said for what their meaning is. I am making an effort to not place less value on words because we live in a world full of exaggeration. That is the one I am struggling with the most which is why I say an effort is being made in that area. As for my dear friend, she taught me the world is as beautiful as it can be ugly. She taught me to be the light in the darkness and to uplift and encourage others. That everyone deserves a sympathetic ear with understanding love and compassion. That sometimes when people speak they don't need solutions, they just need to be heard.